by djcraig » Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:37 am
I'm guessing it went something like this:
Dear Zill,
As a major failure as a father, I thought I would send my son, Fortisque J. MacGillicuddy, out into the world of cyberspace in an attempt to help him grow a pair of nads. A message board full of jaded misanthropes seemed the perfect place for this.
Unfortunately, all he received were hateful and vicious retorts from the likes of you. Oh how his soul was tortured when the brilliance of his posts were not recognized as the incredible contributions they truly were.
Now he just sits in his room, staring glassy eyed and knocking his helmeted head against the window in rhythm, while licking the slobber caked glass. I'd let him outside but my own mother didn't allow that until I was well past puberty, 27 years old as I recall.
How dare you refer to my boy as a troll! Sure, he has a slightly misshapen head, giant ears and an 8 year old girl's physique but that's no excuse. If I wasn't afraid of messing up my fingernails I'd come out and give you a good thrashing! When my wife hears about this, he's going to be really mad!
Sincerely,
Montgomery Snodgrass MacGillicuddy