New Wave Outpost Forum

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 6:35 am

A lot of people will say "The Room" or "Troll 2" or even the amazingly watchable "Plan 9 From Outer Space" but I'm laying the law down right here and now. There is NO film in the history of cinema that is as breathtakingly awful as 1985's "Hard Rock Zombies". Here's one of several inexplicable musical moments from the film:

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9l-scmdpfp8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

..and here's the scene where the incredibly bad 80's cheese rock band torment Hitler:

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EV2Y22d7pL0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I bought this for $2 at a grocery store and now I see the same shitty DVD us going for $25 on Amazon for some reason. In some ways, it actually IS worth $25.

by **eight6** » Tue May 10, 2011 6:50 am

Made it through a minute of the first clip...no argument from me.

by **i_like_lectric_motors** » Tue May 10, 2011 7:12 am

Holy crap! It's Hitler! Wow, you're right ...that was pretty bad.

The Room is awesome though. I don't know how anyone could not enjoy that movie.

by **Spectre General** » Tue May 10, 2011 7:32 am

Dude! That movie looks awesome. I want to watch that now, and get the soundtrack to it.

BTW the worst movie ever is Transmorphers, do yourself a favor and don't look it up.

-------------------------------------------------
What is love after all
but occasional steps
of a dance.........
.......In a trance?

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 7:45 am

I love "The Room" as well. I think I give "Hard Rock Zombies" the edge simply because there is no rhyme or reason to anything in that film. With "The Room" you've got the director/actor attempting to make the kind of flick you would've seen in the After Dark/Thrillers section of your local video store and failing miserably due to to his complete ineptitude (with hilarious results). The same goes for "Troll 2" which at least was a ham handed attempt at a horror film.

There is nothing about "Hard Rock Zombies" that seems like an attempt to do anything other than to fill 90 minutes. The plot (such as it is) revolves around a Loverboy-lite type of rock band who pick up a hitchhiker who turns out to be the love child of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun who've evidently faked their deaths and have moved to Southern California undetected, despite Adolf prancing around in full Nazi regalia. After the band are killed, a satanic heavy metal song (well....it's about as heavy as a John Waite track) brings them back to life where they defeat Hitler and save humanity.
My favorite scene involves what appears to be the local community theater troupe improving for about 20 minutes. It just seems to go on forever and has nothing to do with anything. There's also a bizarre homoerotic element going on between the band and their manager who seem to do all their business deals standing around in their underwear.
I've shown "Hard Rock Zombies" to other connoisseurs of bad movies and they've made me turn it off which I guess is the ultimate endorsement.

by **Frau_Blucher** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:00 am

I'm gonna say Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Why exactly did I have to watch that midget climb that volcano seemingly in real time?

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:01 am

Oh and lastly..here's the haunting love theme from "Hard Rock Zombies"...and off what sounds like a CD! :

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PwgeYYAQme8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

by **djcraig** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:48 am

The first clip had some excellent miming, enough various group posing (for no apparent reason) and frolicking to make a gay choreographer happy, righteous skateboarding and some badass mullet flinging. I do think I saw worse dancing in Footloose, though.

<a href="http://www.djcraig.net/los_angeles_dj">DJ Craig</a>

by **Spectre General** » Tue May 10, 2011 9:27 am

What grocery store did this come from? The more I see the more I realize I need this badly.

-------------------------------------------------
What is love after all
but occasional steps
of a dance.........
.......In a trance?

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 9:50 am

[quote][i]Originally posted by Spectre General[/i]
<br>What grocery store did this come from? The more I see the more I realize I need this badly.

-------------------------------------------------
What is love after all
but occasional steps
of a dance.........
.......In a trance?
[/quote]

It was at all the Pathmarks here in NJ last year for $1.97 but mysteriously vanished and now goes for over $20 on Amazon. My guess would be that it was assumed to be a public domain film until someone involved in the movie bitched about it.
It certainly wasn't the composer of these dreadful songs, Paul Sabu the self-proclaimed "King of AOR". He doesn't even list the film in his screen credits on his website. According to his website he's currently in the studio working on the "most melodic rock album of all time" so maybe it just slipped his mind. [;)]

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 10:13 am

Oh crap, I should've mentioned this.....there's a Nazi midget in this movie too. Well, I guess that won't come as a shock.

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ek9U9Kpc6U4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

by **coop41** » Tue May 10, 2011 12:27 pm

[quote][i]Originally posted by ghosty[/i]
<br>Oh crap, I should've mentioned this.....there's a Nazi midget in this movie too. Well, I guess that won't come as a shock.

[/quote]

I hate to correct you but wasn't that a Nazi midget [i]Zombie</I>? Yahtzee!

by **ghosty** » Tue May 10, 2011 1:59 pm

I stand corrected. A Nazi midget zombie indeed!

Here's a review from IMDB that I feel best sums this flick up:

Is the movie worth sitting through... for the ultimate rock concert?, 13 February 2009

Author: Chromium_five from the wild frontier
"Hard Rock Zombies" raises the intriguing question: if a movie's plot involves a metal band being killed by Nazis and rising from the grave to deliver the ultimate rock concert, is it possible for that movie NOT to be awesome? The answer is no, but I admit there were moments when I had my doubts. This was mainly because of the movie's unfortunate habit of taking scenes that COULD be funny if they lasted a minute or two but instead dragging them out to the length of the first ice age. The most egregious instance of this comes when the rockers arrive in the town of Grand Guignol and upset the locals with outrageous antics such as juggling beer cans and miming; the camera cuts to three townspeople looking on disapprovingly SO MANY TIMES that I thought the DVD was getting stuck in the player. Out of curiosity, I went back later to count the total number of these cuts, and I lost track at *30.* That's not an exaggeration: the filmmakers really thought the best way to convey the full emotional complexity of this scene was to show us the same three guys frowning over *30 times.*

Such scenes are minor annoyances, however, compared to when the rockers become zombies and head to the concert hall for what is supposedly the ultimate rock concert; to my horror, they played to a completely empty room and worse yet, chose some kind of terrible glam love ballad called "Cassie's Song." The Jonas Brothers rock more than this song. Worse STILL, the song takes place only about an hour into the movie, meaning I had to brace myself for many more scenes of God knows what, devoid of any rocking whatsoever. These scenes were so awful that I needn't bother describing them at length; most of the town's residents are transformed into ghouls through a convoluted process that I didn't understand (mainly because the character explaining it delivers his lines like he has no tongue), and the remaining humans defend themselves using cardboard cutouts of celebrity heads.

This portion of the movie would no doubt drive a lesser person to suicide, but being the resilient man that I am, I stuck with it to the end; and I'm glad I did, because it turns out the genius director was lulling me into a false sense of security and what I THOUGHT was the alleged ultimate rock concert halfway through was in fact a mere teaser for the REAL ultimate rock concert. The rockers arise from their graves yet again, and instead of playing "Cassie's Song," they play a Judas Priest-style riff that is so godlike in its rocking it drives all the ghouls into an underground Nazi gas chamber, where they perish. The gas chamber scene is briefly intercut by a shot of a ghoul EATING ITS OWN HEAD, which is easily one of the strangest images I've ever seen. This final sequence is sufficiently cool enough to seal the movie's place in the pantheon of great 80's garbage, but Christ almighty, did we have to go through some hoops to get there. Regardless, any viewer having made it to the end will have no objections to my rating this 8/10. Recommended.

by **TragicMagic** » Wed May 11, 2011 1:43 pm

"The gas chamber scene is briefly intercut by a shot of a ghoul EATING ITS OWN HEAD"

.. I wanna see it just for that! ;-)

by **TragicMagic** » Wed May 11, 2011 1:48 pm

[quote][i]Originally posted by ghosty[/i]
<br>Oh crap, I should've mentioned this.....there's a Nazi midget in this movie too. Well, I guess that won't come as a shock.

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ek9U9Kpc6U4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[/quote]

Did she ask the mans severed head she is holding if he was ok? Bwa.. bwaha.. bwahahaha - Ok, that's 2 reasons now I want to see this movie ;-)

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