June...er...September romance?

[zill]

Given that a lot of people on this board are +/- a few years either side of 40, I have a question.

Is it possible for, say, a 20 year old woman (man) to love a 40 year old man (woman)? Or is this just the stuff of movies, the fantasy of middle-aged men/women?

Opinions?

[deethelurker]

It depends on the person. A 20-year-old woman who's like Natalie Portman can get with a 40-year-old man who's like Moby and have it work out to be a relationship with both on equal footing (though the two are closer in age IRL). I think if the older person thinks and acts younger and takes incredibly good care of him/herself, AND if the younger person thinks and acts older and is incredibly mature and intelligent, then the partnership can and should work. (BTW, I think Portman was probably the more mature adult in that relationship, based on what I've read about Moby.) Any other way is a sad and unhealthy arrangement, with the younger partner looking for opportunity and the older partner looking to reclaim lost youth.

Admittedly, I'm 26 with an ex who's 28 so I've kinda not got a dog in the fight, if you will. These are just my own opinions, the things that I feel.

[birdmadgirl]

Sure, it's possible. I've always been attracted to men quite a bit older than I am. I wouldn't have a problem getting into a long-term relationship with someone 10-25 years older than I am. (I'm 32).

I like older, settled men. I have lots of guy friends who are my age and they still have a massive amount of growing up to do. They still have a frat-boy mentality that I have no patience for.

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[i_like_lectric_motors]

My current girlfriend just turned 28 (on 9/11, of all days) and so far all's well. I'm 43.

I've heard that you should never date anyone younger than half your age + 7 years (if you're 30, 22 would be the limit, if you're 40, 27 .... etc.). That seems reasonable enough, though in my case I'm off by a few months. I agree with Dee that "if the older person thinks and acts younger and takes incredibly good care of him/herself, AND if the younger person thinks and acts older and is incredibly mature and intelligent, then the partnership can and should work."

I've always just gotten along better with younger people. A lot of my friends are in their early twenties. They seem to be more open-minded and accepting and willing to consider that maybe there's more (or less, in some cases) to life than what's been forced down their throats growing up. They are also less easily offended [:D], more energetic and, in my geographical area at least, far more likely to have decent musical taste. [8D]

[Otters Walk Among Us]

My sister is 30, and my mom is 53. My brother-in-law and stepfather are both 49.

The only worry my sister has ever expressed about the age difference is the problems that might arise when she is in her 60s and her husband is "very old."

[manekineko]

I'm pretty open minded about this. It's so variable because maturity (or immaturity) can be independent of age, to a certain extent. The rare twenty-something might be mature and wise beyond his/her years, while a forty-something might be very youthful and open-minded. So in theory, I think an older/younger relationship can work.

That being said, I do wonder about what motivates a person to seek a partner who is a lot younger, usually a middle-aged man who dates a very attractive young woman. I have to wonder if it's because the guy is shallow and just wants a piece of arm candy, and doesn't care a bit that they'll have nothing to talk about? (No offense to anyone specific... [:D])

I feel much younger than my 45 years, in both physical shape and mental outlook, and I have a lot of energy. But do I want to be like Demi Moore and have a guy nearly 20 years younger? No. Because after all the unbelievable sex [:p], what do they really have to talk about? I'd rather have a guy closer to my own age (give or take ten years either way), who has experienced some of the same things in history and understands the same cultural references. I don't want to have to explain what New Wave is, the brilliance of John Belushi, the significance of the first moonwalk (and I don't mean Michael Jackson), or who Geraldine Ferraro was. But the guy HAS TO be able to keep up with my energy level. [:D] He can't be "old", physically, mentally, or ideologically.

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[i_like_lectric_motors]

[quote][i]Originally posted by manekineko[/i]


That being said, I do wonder about what motivates a person to seek a partner who is a lot younger, usually a middle-aged man who dates a very attractive young woman. I have to wonder if it's because the guy is shallow and just wants a piece of arm candy, and doesn't care a bit that they'll have nothing to talk about? (No offense to anyone specific... [:D])

[/quote]

No offense taken because I see examples of what you're talking about happening all of the time. I'm sure there are a lot of guys (and women) who have that as their motivation but not everybody. And a lot of times, it's readily apparent that the attraction is more financial than physical or emotional.

For me, it's not a matter of seeking younger women out, it's just what happens. Because of who I'm around all the time, who I share mutual friends with, and yes, who I have the most in common with. I keep up with what's current and having things that happened 25 years ago in common just doesn't interest me in the least. Reminiscing here is fine but in real life it just bores me to tears ... there's just too much happening NOW that's interesting. Plus, if anything it's kind of fun to relate past events to someone with an interest in and a fresh perspective on a subject. As you'll notice in my post, not once did I mention looks or lack of wrinkles and non-sagging body parts as one of the reasons why I like younger women. It's a nice side benefit but not the main reason.

[manekineko]

[quote]
No offense taken because I see examples of what you're talking about happening all of the time. I'm sure there are a lot of guys (and women) who have that as their motivation but not everybody. And a lot of times, it's readily apparent that the attraction is more financial than physical or emotional.

For me, it's not a matter of seeking younger women out, it's just what happens. Because of who I'm around all the time, who I share mutual friends with, and yes, who I have the most in common with. I keep up with what's current and having things that happened 25 years ago in common just doesn't interest me in the least. Reminiscing here is fine but in real life it just bores me to tears ... there's just too much happening NOW that's interesting. Plus, if anything it's kind of fun to relate past events to someone with an interest in and a fresh perspective on a subject. As you'll notice in my post, not once did I mention looks or lack of wrinkles and non-sagging body parts as one of the reasons why I like younger women. It's a nice side benefit but not the main reason.
[/quote]

Yes, I'm sure quite often the motivation is financial.

I understand how you find younger people (women in particular) to be more exciting, open minded, and stimulating. I, too, like that energy, especially since my political and social views are very progressive. And when I said I value historical and cultural similarities in a partner, I didn't mean that he and I would sit around in our rocking chairs and reminisce all day about the good old days. (LOL! "Them whippersnappers today have it so easy with their mp3s and electronic gadgets! Back in our day we had to play scratchy vinyl records on a turntable! And we had to walk five miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways!") I'm just as interested in what's going on right here, right now. It's just that it's nice to have a foundation of similarities with a partner, so everything doesn't have to be explained all the time. I don't want to have to explain every punch line.

I don't want to feel like I'm my partner's mentor.

And motors, I did notice that you didn't mention tight bodies and lack of wrinkles. [:)]

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[Mechi]

Yes, surely... why not?[8D]
I mean it has happenned to me (and I think it's happenning again).
But I have to say that it's not very convenient being 19 and liking someone who's 35 cause there are some things that you cannot understand from the other one due to your lack of experience.

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[Panorama]

[quote][i]Originally posted by manekineko[/i]
I have to wonder if it's because the guy is shallow and just wants a piece of arm candy [:D])
[/quote]It's not the arm that we're interested in [:D][;)]

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[zill]

[quote][i]Originally posted by deethelurker[/i]
<br>It depends on the person. I think if the older person thinks and acts younger and takes incredibly good care of him/herself, AND if the younger person thinks and acts older and is incredibly mature and intelligent, then the partnership can and should work. Any other way is a sad and unhealthy arrangement, with the younger partner looking for opportunity and the older partner looking to reclaim lost youth.
[/quote]

Wow, the people on this board are surprisingly open-minded and I love it! Dee's comments echo my own personal thoughts.

I suppose when I asked the question I was thinking that the age difference doesn't matter so much as the age of the younger person matters. What I mean is, I could see a 30 and 50 year old or a 40 and 60 year old together, because at 30 or 40, the younger person would have seen and done and experienced a lot of things on their own. But at 20, maybe one hasn't had time to experience life, travel, have relationships, etc. I can't help but think that the 20 year old would wake up one day and feel that their youth had been robbed hanging out with some old guy (though they would have gained a remarkable knowledge of new wave in the process, so it wouldn't have been a total waste).

I also agree with manekineko's comment about what motivates one to seek out a partner so much younger...but sometimes you don't seek out these things, they just happen...

[hutter]

Earlier this year I was living with a girl 15 years my junior. Everything was great, but nothing was right, y'know? After awhile it just felt creepy and I called it off. Besides, I can't be with a gal that looooves Pokemon.

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[WolverineSyr]

I once, real casually, dated someone about 15 years younger than me. It wasn't serious, I didn't want it to be - we didn't have the same perspective on many things.

I don't think I would ever get into a serious relationship with anyone so much younger. I really need someone with the same cultural background, who is going get pop-culture references, events, etc. I also do not want to be someone's father-figure.

I have a friend who married a man who was 20 years older than her. It was awesome & fun when they were younger, but by the time she was 50...he was 70. She always said how hard it was being married to an old man & how it limited her in such a big way.

[manekineko]

[quote][i]Originally posted by zill[/i]
<br>I could see a 30 and 50 year old or a 40 and 60 year old together, because at 30 or 40, the younger person would have seen and done and experienced a lot of things on their own. But at 20, maybe one hasn't had time to experience life, travel, have relationships, etc.[/quote]

I agree. A lot can happen between 20 and 30. I don't want a partner who has never experienced much past high school. I have had a wealth of diverse experiences that would fill a fat book, and I want a partner who can hold up his end of the conversation when trading stories. I want a partner who has experienced both the exhilarating highs and the devastating lows of life and has learned from them. I don't want a partner whose slate is completely clean and who hasn't developed any hard-earned character yet. I don't want a partner who has never been in love; never had his heart broken; never experienced a death of a loved one; never had a real adult job; never travelled; never had a major challenge, crisis, or setback; or never done something really embarrassing. I like to see that a person has experienced some hard knocks in life--AND still keeps on smiling and moving forward. That wisdom and confidence is WAY sexier than some innocent young babe barely old enough to shave.

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[phillyidol]

Yeah, you wouldn't want to end up with a "mimbo"